Adventures — Jimmy Jingle

★ ADVENTURE NO. 01 — THE GREATEST ONE ★

THE NIGHT I RODE A REINDEER

It was December 22nd and the aurora was out in full — green and gold from the eastern ridge all the way to the village center — and Jimmy was doing his final pre-Christmas workshop walkthrough when he passed through the reindeer stables and made eye contact with Comet.

What happened next is, technically speaking, disputed. What is not disputed: Jimmy was at altitude over the North Pole village at approximately 400 feet on the back of a reindeer for a period of not less than twelve minutes. Comet was unharmed. Jimmy was unharmed. The harness, which had been the subject of the "systems test" Jimmy later cited as his official reason for being in the stables after hours, was also unharmed.

The aurora was spectacular. Jimmy described the experience as "the second-best moment of my entire life" and then clarified that first place was held jointly by every Christmas morning he'd ever experienced, "which are all tied, there is no hierarchy, each one is perfect." He has talked about the ride approximately six hundred times. He will tell you about it right now if you make eye contact with him.

EXCITEMENT LEVEL: 10/10

★ ★ ★ MORE ADVENTURES BELOW ★ ★ ★

ADVENTURE NO. 02 — DECEMBER 19TH, 2023

PRESENT AVALANCHE

Shelf Row 7 had a structural limitation that nobody had ever tested before because nobody had ever stacked presents that high before. Jimmy stacked them that high at 11:58 PM. At 11:59, two thousand presents came down simultaneously. He was buried to his chest. He emerged laughing. When asked what he was thinking as the avalanche occurred, he said: "I was thinking this is amazing and also I am definitely going to have to restack all of these." He was correct on both counts. He restacked every single one. He was singing while he did it.

EXCITEMENT LEVEL: 11/10

ADVENTURE NO. 03 — THREE-TIME CHAMPION

CAROL CHAMPIONSHIP — NORTH POLE FINALS

The judges have described his entry as "technically not what we were looking for in terms of the competition format" every single year. They have given him a perfect score every single year anyway. The eleven-second note in O Holy Night is now simply called "The Jimmy." Other competitors have attempted it. Other competitors have not held it for eleven seconds. Jimmy holds it for eleven seconds and then comes in at the end with the full-voice finish and the crowd, every year, without exception, stands up. Jimmy, every year, cries. He is singing the carol. It is his carol. He is happy. He cries.

EXCITEMENT LEVEL: 10/10

ADVENTURE NO. 04 — THE RECORD

THE WRAPPING STATION INCIDENT

December 19th. The attempt had been planned for three weeks. Jimmy had mapped his movements, optimized his ribbon-cutting technique, and pre-loaded all the tape dispensers. The playlist was 9 hours and 4 minutes of escalating holiday intensity. At hour one he was already 40% ahead of pace. At hour five, co-workers started gathering to watch. At hour nine, 847 presents, perfect bows. He stood in front of the board for five minutes in total silence. Then he turned around, saw thirty people watching him, and started crying. Someone started clapping. Everyone started clapping. Jimmy cried more.

EXCITEMENT LEVEL: 10/10

ADVENTURE NO. 05 — ANNUAL TRADITION

THE GREAT TREE TOPPER (EVERY YEAR)

Every year, on December 24th at 11 PM, Jimmy climbs the ladder to place the star on the Workshop tree. This is not an official ceremony. He started doing it his first year and nobody told him to stop because the way he does it — slow, deliberate, one rung at a time, completely silent until the star clicks into place and then this enormous exhale of relief and joy — has become one of those things that people quietly rearrange their schedules to be present for. One year Jammy happened to walk through the workshop at that exact moment. He stood in the doorway for the whole thing and then left without saying anything. Jimmy didn't see him. Jenny did. She took a photo.

EXCITEMENT LEVEL: PERFECT

★ ★ ★

CURRENTLY PLANNING

IN PROGRESS

THE COOKIE BAKE-OFF CHALLENGE

Entering the North Pole Annual Cookie Championship. Jenny has been briefed. She said she won't help but then immediately started suggesting flavor combinations. This is going well.

PENDING APPROVAL

WRAPPING RECORD: 900 PRESENTS

The application to attempt the record during the off-season is under review. Optimization continues. The playlist is ready. It is 10 hours and 40 minutes long.

ONGOING OPERATION

PROJECT: GET JONNY EXCITED

Year seventeen. Progress report: Jonny placed an ornament. Front and center. This is a breakthrough. Current status: optimistic. Always optimistic.